I thought it was over because Becca put me in a better mood. And so did my Mom. And then I took a shower and started to relax and it just hit me again. And this time I’m not mad. Just so fucking sad. You can tell me a thousand times that it’s okay not to be perfect, but I want to be. And that’s the flaw right there. I can’t. Today went from amazing to awful, and it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to just stop and breathe. That would have stopped everything. If I took two seconds to even think straight, but I just get so mad. And once I got home, I didn’t want to call you. I with every fiber of my motherfucking being I wished you were there with me. I crumbled and I knew that instead of driving away, I should have parked and stayed and you could have held me instead.

And now I’m not upset about it at all, but I’m just so frustrated that you aren’t here. That no one is here. I’m alone in my bed and I’m just so damn sad. And for no reason. I’m so tired and I have work to do and tests tomorrow. I don’t want to deal with anything. I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I want you here and I want you to just hold me while I cry for reasons I can’t explain and I want to sleep forever and I want to forget that anything even exists outside of this fucking room.